Rape – A Scary Truth

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Rape – A Scary Truth

 

I really don’t know what to write here so forgive me if you find the words a little incoherent. Everything has been said about the ever-increasing rape incidents in India. I’m shocked to hear about so many rape cases these days.

During my school and college days, I heard of such cases but not this frequently. Nowadays, rape has become ‘normal’. We read about at least one case daily and even though it angers us, we have probably become immune to such news. It doesn’t shake us anymore.

Such cases earlier were reported usually from villages and small towns and most crimes took place at night. But now there is not even a single place, where rape has not been reported, be it schools, colleges, hostels, homes and offices. Again there is no ‘safe time’ for girls.

 

 

rape and crimes against women

Badaun rape case angered India last month but within a week there was the case of a minor girl raped in Greater Noida. Two more cases were reported the same day.

Where is a girl safe?

And now even the schools are not safe, not even the so called ‘elite’ ones. Recently a six year old girl was raped in an ‘international’ school in Bangalore by school staff. This is just too scary.
Parents trust schools to take care of their kids. People have already lost trust on servants and even relatives. Now who should one trust?

These incidents frighten every Indian. We cannot heave a sigh of relief even if we send our kids to the best of institutions. Loss of trust is not a good thing for humanity but now the phenomena is ubiquitous.

We talk about technological advancements but our minds are going backwards. Rape has become a way to show power ( remember the comments of a certain leader in West Bengal?)

Where are We Heading?

When I and my sister used to go to school and college, my mom was not much worried but now she remains in panic-mode even for my brother. She keeps advising me about safety measures over phone.

I get worried when my sister-in-law becomes even a little late. Where are we heading?? To the times of ruthless invaders?

The Unsafe Place

I have lived in Germany and did not want to come back. Safety and independence were my top reasons for not wanting to return. I never saw any guy staring at any girl, leave alone passing obscene comments. And we know the kind of clothes, girls wear in these countries.

I even stayed alone for a month there when hubby had to go to another country. I used to go to my language classes and return after 8 PM. The streets were deserted but I never felt scared even for a moment.

People say that it is time government did something. I agree that we need an alert and trustworthy security system. But are even the police stations safe? Due to a few bad people in our police force, we eye all of them with suspicion. And such fears materialize a lot. Criminals are not scared of police these days, only common people are.

And who can ignore the never ending court-cases?

The Cause and Solution

According to me the problem lies in the patriarchal system of India. We don’t teach simple things like respecting a girl to our boys. Girls should not be dependent on a man to protect them.

Why do we need someone else to protect ourselves?

I am not advocating a matriarchal system but it will be best if we educate our boys. This according to me is the only solution that will result in an equal society where no one has a reason to worry about the safety of girls or even boys for that matter.

How safe do you feel? Please share your thoughts and possible solutions.

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25 COMMENTS

  1. Thank u soo much for writing this! I’m completely agree with u that it is not save for a woman to be alone in India.

    Solution?
    Well, educate the boys from a young age (in kindergarden, school ect.) – a woman is not a object. People forgets the word ‘respect’.
    Bollywood – stop picturing a woman as a object with less clothes. Im soo sick of bollywood movies, and i believe that the fact that these movie has an impact on how men look at womens.

  2. My heart sunks after I see one after another rape news 🙁 I feel like killing those morons..! Is sex the only thing for men in life?

  3. I totally agrre with you Maitri… The society and their mindsets are a big threat to every girl. Even when we are not alone we feel scared.. There’s no hope in a country where even the politicians give ruthless statements about rapes.

  4. This is why I like Wise she. bold enough to publish articles regarding real problems of real women. There`s too much illiteracy and endorsement of the vulgar gangster attitude which is equated with masculinity here – it`s frustrating and the society itself is unsupportive and narrow minded. The government – ah well, if it really wants to make a change it can – except they have to work really hard to clear up the corruption that has clogged up the system. I liked your description of your stay in Germany…it`s sort of a dream here.

  5. i may sound very rude here… but to be very honest ” a women is a women’s biggest enemy” … more than the politicians or the government… i have seen and heard women (not all women but a maximum number of women do this, though this majority may reduce i n the coming future), saying and teaching their sons about what kind of girls are good or bad(characters), the behaviour and dresses of the gal being the basis of d judgement… come on… stop misleading your son which such pathetic thinking, instead teach him to respect gals the way he would want his mother, wife and sister to be respected…. i have seen ladies staring MODERN gals pathetically and in turn when their sons grow up they lecher, grope, etc etc etc, the victims are not looked upon with any further respect, ever wondered why a mother of a son will never let her son marry a rape victim, no matter how much the boy may love that girl???
    any sexual abuse as a child.. the mother would ask her daughter to shut her mouth and not to tell anyone cause of social issues…
    .. wat i mean to say is, its noone else but only women who can change things, be it to fight against crime or to teach boys how to respect gals or to support victim gals… etc etc

    p.s. i dont say that all women are like that… but the fact is maximum are like this 🙁 🙁 🙁

    • well said Ritika i agree with you! and yes its not that women alone can bring a change but the responsibility is equally on both genders. in india we see in every family the treatment of sons and daughters is so different. its the parents’ responsibility to bring up their children in such a way that their sons respect girls and daughters are brave enough to stand up for themselves.

  6. I am literally getting tears whenever i am reading such news. My niece who is close to me is also 6 yrs (same as the kid who was raped in bangalore school campus) I could not even imagine her in such position. The change should start from childhood itself. Every boy should be taught about respecting girls and not to judge them based on anything. Still guys laugh when they hear a girl is having periods or when a bra strap is visible. This kinda taboo should be stopped. Sexual feeling is mutual for men and women. When a society can control a women to not to show her sexual feeling openly, same can be done for men too. Hence good values should be taught from childhood for a boy like how girls are trained to sit properly, cover her breast with duppatta, cover her butt with a long top etc

  7. I’m from an European country with an Indian background and it breaks my heart every time I hear such awful news.

    Even if someone is not ‘properly’ dressed (whatever that means, we can’t be covered from head to toes), this is not an invitation for sexual assault/abuse/rape. This is not a good argument to blame the women or girls for this kind of assault.

    The problem is that you can’t trust anyone there: two policemen assaulted two girls and hanged them in a tree, other news about the school staff or family members. The politicians are so uneducated and corrupt, while they are saying stupid stuff like ‘boys will be boys’. These crimes should be punished severely.

    Of course everybody should learn what is right or wrong when they are little, but there is a bigger problem and that is that the current system doesn’t work. The government needs to be stricter, protect those who can’t protect themselves, punish correctly.

    Not only is the rape itself horrific, but the social stigma or social pressure is also awful. Women/girls who are taunted and harassed by the rapist(s) who are walking free, or the police that doesn’t want to take the statement of the crime so the only other options left are being killed by them or committing suicide.

    In my opinion the people should protest against the system and force the government to take actions against these crimes. Woman/girls have equal rights and they have a voice. Meanwhile the only other thing left to do, is to learn how to defend oneself or carry a weapon for protection (pepper spray, hair spray, small knife). It is not ideal but it is an option.

    The thing I don’t understand at all: How can they worship female deities like Lakshmi, Ma Durga while doing something that awful and pretend nothing has happened. Even in the Islam females have a specific position.

    All above is also meant for the LGBT.

  8. I dropped my daughter to school today morn… came back home…started doing my daily chores…but i could not help…i was having a constant slow tear flow.

    I want a right/power for every Indian women to stab or shoot any man whom she suspects. No explanations can be demanded for shooting in self defense. Please lord bestow this boon on us.

    These so called schools charge lakhs & lakhs as school fee and donation in the name of competitive high class education. And there is no security for our daughters. 🙁

  9. I am no different Chandni…we paid for the school cab but somehow my heart didnt allow me to drop her in the cab…I every day drop and pick my daughter from the school but I wonder till how long will I be able to do that.

    She will anyway ask me for her freedom in later years..What am I suppose to do ?
    Living in the rape capital scares me like anything..I now doubt my dhobiwala, my girl school guard, waiter in the restaurant etc etc….Its better we leave the country for our daughter future but is that solution for everyone?

  10. In a country where there is an age bold belief “yatra naryastu pujyante ramante tatra devata” and in such a country now a days there is no derth of all the heinous crime against women. Like all of you every time my heart also cries out whenever I go thru the news of rape or honour killing. This is one of the burning issue which our society is facing now a days. A post on this issue and that too so well written has really raised the standard of my beloved Wise She blog.

  11. I agree with Ritika here.. The entire mindset of treating women as an inferior person in almost 95% of India is the root cause of this situation. Hurting a woman in India is infact easier than stealing a bike or a car.. Law has to get strict and terrorize people so dat they think twice even about eve teasing..
    Maitri is so right.. When I am here, I kinda forget m a womam because literally nobody stares at u n makes u feel insecure.. but the moment I land in India, unwanted stares and useless interactions make me realize the harsh reality..
    I used to hate my dad for not allowing me late nights or night stays.. No loitering on d streets or terraces of d house.. But today I realize prob dats wat kept me safe.. But is dat d only solution???

  12. The truth is that every single girl growing up in India has been groped by some male at some point in her life. This says a lot about us as a nation. I grew up as a teenager in Calcutta in the 70’s and I remember being touched in buses, in the markets etc, Even as a young child of 8 yrs I remember being touched in the chest by a tailor and the comic delivery man and at 11 I was attacked by a group of servants in the streets on Holi and had my chest touched by several of them. At 16 I was assaulted on 2 separate incidents by old muslim men who openly put their full hand on my breast while I was walking in the opposite direction from them. One incident was in a vegetable market in broad daylight in Calcutta when I as with a girl friend and other was in the streets of Hyderabad while I was with my parents! I have been living abroad in the UK, France, Italy and in California since 1981 and I cannot remember a single incident of being molested by some male. Now I am 56 and last year I was elbowed very sharply in the chest by an old muslim man in his 70’s, while I was walking in the streets of a famous market in Calcutta! To date I feel so angry and violated about all these incidents, I can’t even imagine what a rape victim would be feeling. I also remember my girl friends forbidding me to react to all these situations or say anything since it would attract attention. No human being should be subject to such indignities, it is beyond disgusting. I do not understand why men in India are so lecherous especially since we do not live in a restrictive society and they have access to sex workers. We can only conclude that this is a reflection of Indian culture and a society where women have been forced to keep quiet for so long. I am glad to see that finally Indian women are beginning to speak up at this outrage. .

  13. bravo maitri…for such an amazing article:) and bravo wise she for putting up one actually:) …..i cant agree with you more girl……makes my heart just constrict with emotion…i have been through the same..not the severe actions but the usual grope etc:) i cant even imagine that little girl’s agony..one of my little cousin’s study in Bangalore. she is a pretty cute girl and really am worried about how much past yr such incidents became rapid…and increasing still….the school people didn’t even care…and other schools just said the children’s safety is not their responsibility…? ugh just disgusting and down right irresponsible…lets see what they would say if their own loved ones go through the same………

  14. great article Maitri and am really glad that it’s being discussed here….just a while ago when I opened my Facebook the first post that flashed on my news feed was that of “nirbhaya rerun in UP”….I don’t know how to react to these news now…these matters are not affecting the govt at all, no changes are taking place in society the condition in fact has gone even worse. It seems like most men in India are sick to the core. No one is ready to take the responsibility, the situation in India is getting really scary for the women!!!

  15. My son was studying in same branch where the recent incidence happened and it scared me to death to hear all that and i still dont want to believe all this happened in the same school where we use to go till early this yr .
    Maitri , am short of words to write here but really appreciate your efforts to write this and come in open

  16. hats off to you Maitri for coming up with such a topic and wise she for publishing it, seriously it is much needed agree with everything you have written. I am always extra cautious for my daughter as well, as in this world it is so difficult to trust anyone. Some of the incidents I have read at some time or seen on news channels really scare me, but somewhere women too play a vital role especially when it comes to educating their children especially boys…we can just hope that one day India will be a much safer place for women, hope that day comes pretty soon…!!

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